Those are some hopeless and heavy statements, aren’t they? But isn’t that what self-doubt does? It distorts our thoughts, the same way the shadow distorted my size. When we live in the shadows of our doubts, insecurity bombards us with thoughts like: That’s how I ended up in the shadows of my self-doubt. In the same way I turned away from the light above my mirror and ended up in the shadow, all week I had been turning away from the light of Truth, and all that God thinks and says about me. Instead of answering my prayers and zapping me with confidence, God was showing me how I got stuck in this awful place. Slowly I turned back toward the lights above my mirror, and I was no longer standing in the shadow. I was surprised by how much bigger it was than my five-foot, two-inch frame.Īs I stood there looking at the humongous shadow, I sensed God whispering to my heart: You can only see the shadow because you’ve turned away from the light. My internal dialogue was relentless - what if I forget my message? What if they don’t connect with my stories or my teaching? What if they regret inviting me?įinished with my makeup, I turned around to put a few things in my suitcase and noticed a huge nine-foot shadow on the wall. I had been struggling with self-doubt and questioning everything about myself that week. Now here I was getting ready to speak out of town at a large women’s Bible study event, and instead of feeling excited I was begging God to zap me with confidence or send Jesus back before I got there. It didn’t make sense, and neither did the way I was feeling.

And I wondered why opening my mouth helped open my eyes. My mouth opened, too, almost instinctively. I stood in front of my bathroom mirror, squinting from the lights above while also trying to open my eyelids so I could put mascara on my lashes.

In the shadows of doubt